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No woman ever murdered her husband while he was washing the dishes.

SCREAM AWAY

With apologies to Richard A. Whiting and Sidney Clare

Fantasy pirate ship
Photo by Karen Zhang on Unsplash

I’ve thrown away my toys, even my bum and brain
I want to make big bucks, without much mental strain
Some day I’m going to write, maybe draw some cartoons too
When I hit it big, I would dig for you to be my crew!

On the good ship MuddyUm…


MUDDY MONDAY

Of dogs, spiders, squid, and avocado toast

Avacado toast with flowers
Photo by solod_sha from Pexels

The first few minutes found Holly J See stuck watching Baskerville Old Face make an onion, mushroom, and kale 3-cheese omelet with anchovies. Soon Cap’n Susan Brearley showed up telling us how the best place to get avocado toast is at Dunkin Donuts. Apparently Panera’s doesn’t have it going on…


ALL THE LETTERS

Deliveress from guilt

Photo by Charl Folscher on Unsplash

After breakfast, crushed deeply, even further, growing helplessly into justifications, knowing life may not offer promises quite right so that understanding voices will xerically yammer zombifications.

About that title — I know you were wondering!

The White Goddess, a book-length essay concerning the nature of poetic myth, used to be…


PRO TIPS FROM OLD FACE

The easy way

Photo by Arno Senoner on Unsplash
Forgive me for the digression, but the need for this PSA grows by the day:Help us do the job for which we Mudditors are not paid but perform entirely out of love for you, our writers.Please do not dismiss or delete the private notes. Thank you. Now on…


PRO TIPS FROM OLD FACE

Don’t miss out!

Image by Jill Wellington from Pixabay
Forgive me for the digression, but the need for this PSA grows by the day:Help us do the job for which we Mudditors are not paid but perform entirely out of love for you, our writers.Please do not dismiss or delete the private notes.Thank you. Now on…


PRO TIPS FROM OLD FACE

Keep the change

Piggy bank with scattered change.
Photo by Diane Helentjaris on Unsplash
Forgive me for the digression, but the need for this PSA grows by the day:Help us do the job for which we Mudditors are not paid but perform entirely out of love for you, our writers.Please do not dismiss or delete the private notes.Thank you. Now on…


LEVEL UP, SUCKERS!

#3 will floor you

Multi-story car park undeground.
Image by Peter H from Pixabay

Wondering why I didn’t call this “Five Ways to Take Your Life to the Next Level?” For one thing, there is no way that title hasn’t already found its way to the top of some Medium article or another.

For another, “Five Ways to Next Level Your Life” is shorter…


YOU CAN’T WIN

Maybe I should start arguing with the science

Woman screaming in frustration
Image by Robin Higgins from Pixabay

How does this even happen after more than a week in quarantine? Ten days to be exact? Am I an asymptomatic long-hauler? What would that even be? Shall I start taking Hydroxychloroquine? Ivermectin? Laetrile? CBD? CDB? CDC? PDQ?


Let’s try this again

Image by Stefan Keller from Pixabay

Dear Vaccine Refuseniks,

I direct this letter exclusively to you who won’t get vaccinated, not at you who can’t¹.

I run across you from time to time even here on Medium, that bastion of reason and good sense. I’ve tried to be reasonable and point out the indisputable facts, but…


Of rapid tests and PCRs, of choirs and bands, of theater, driving, and RSV

Transmission electron micrograph of SARS-CoV-2 virus particles, isolated from a patient. Image captured and color-enhanced at the NIAID Integrated Research Facility in Fort Detrick, Maryland.
National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases (NIAID), CC BY 2.0

Imagine my shock at receiving a positive PCR test result. A real sucker punch, given the negative result of my rapid antigen test on the same day I took the PCR test. As an added bonus, it struck me full up-side the head with the iron fist of irony. The…

Baskerville Old Face

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