Maybe I saw you at NeconomiCon — Would I know a meal kit if I saw one? Who are they for? What are they for? My personal history offers no clues. I had kits between the ages of like 8 and 11. …

Is this the end? — Most people I know don’t eat what falls on the floor. For me, if I pick it up and it doesn’t have all fuzz clinging to it, it’s fine. Although many people find this practice repulsive and wrinkle up their noses when they see me thus engaged, mom taught me…

But I don’t know how to double-clutch — What could be cooler than owning a dump truck? When I think of the many things I could do if I owned a dump truck, I salivate with more salivation than my dog. So many life things would improve overnight if I owned a dump truck! And what dump truck…

Subverting happiness ten thousand hours at a time — Let’s face it, you wasted no time highlighting “Let’s face it” and writing a snotty response reminding me of the time you wrote let’s face it in your MuddyUm submission and I left a PN saying something like Stock phrase. Consider revising or deleting, you lazy piece of shit. Before…

What do you give when you have nothing? — Everyone said my brother and I looked very much alike. The older we both got, the more alike we looked. Now that he is dead I know what I will look like in death. Appearances notwithstanding, our actual lives were very different. I was a protester while my brother maintained…

No one is good at this — Somewhere on Medium I read that when siblings die, it’s like a piece of you is ripped away. My brother is not dead but it really does look like he’s on his death bed. So it’s like part of me is there with him, dying. I try to get down…

Forget what mother told you — If you use a squatty potty you can stop reading right now. You have no need of toilet paper. You can just use your bare hand with little fear of besmirchment. This article is for the rest of us. In the picture below, note the toilet paper roll hung according…

“So many guys are, you know, are so fucking solemn about sex! You would think they were signing the fucking Declaration of Independence!” I suppose I was at first too, but Amy wasted little time derailing my quest for sexual profundity. The second, or maybe the third, time we fucked…

According to Carol Lennox, you need to know this sort of thing — Carol Lennox is my ideal. She rushes in to write where more timid writers fear to spread ink. Who could resist the inspiration of such derring-do? Elsewhere, Carol says the end of a penis, that is, a circumcised or unsheathed one, looks like a fireman’s helmet, but that men don’t…