Forget what mother told you — If you use a squatty potty you can stop reading right now. You have no need of toilet paper. You can just use your bare hand with little fear of besmirchment. This article is for the rest of us. In the picture below, note the toilet paper roll hung according…

“So many guys are, you know, are so fucking solemn about sex! You would think they were signing the fucking Declaration of Independence!” I suppose I was at first too, but Amy wasted little time derailing my quest for sexual profundity. The second, or maybe the third, time we fucked…

According to Carol Lennox, you need to know this sort of thing — Carol Lennox is my ideal. She rushes in to write where more timid writers fear to spread ink. Who could resist the inspiration of such derring-do? Elsewhere, Carol says the end of a penis, that is, a circumcised or unsheathed one, looks like a fireman’s helmet, but that men don’t…

Is there any way to not know this? — My wife bought this “Magic Sponge” recently. When I looked at the package I had to wonder: Does anybody know how to do anything any more? As a pondered this mystery I remembered something. We humans are not born knowing very much. How to use a sponge is not critical…

Audience development links, three box-linked MuddyUm stories, and now this?!?!? — If you dropped a story on MuddyUm recently, and especially if I was your editor, you may have found a clickable image at the end of your story, accompanied by a sheepish little note admitting I put it there. It probably looked similar to the image above except clickable. My…

Most guy event ever conceived — Remember electric trains? Lionel? American Flyer? Like Pugsley played with on The Addams Family? Pugsley had it best. He got to do, with the full connivance and approval of his dad, what me and my friends in the electric train owning set could only dream of — deliberately crash his…

In the moment before our hands fully grasped each other, that first finger touch — something? — “The…peak experience has a special flavour of wonder, of awe, of reverence, of humility and surrender…” Abraham Maslow Previously “I spoke to Carl Prescott recently. Do you know him?” “Yes, a dear colleague. I hope he was helpful?” “Yes, very helpful, but his is only one perspective. I would be…

BOF had to be punished — You know how meetings can go. People talking about spreadsheets, and goals, and timelines, and action items, and the rest of the stuff that makes your eyes go all cloudy like early-onset glaucoma. After listening to that for about fifteen minutes and experiencing the unbidden thought, wait a minute, didn’t…

Cheating the enigma of death — Another in my Amy Sea inspired series, How have you not written about that? Because we needed to catch a train, my buddy R and I couldn’t stay for the encore — Edward Elgar’s Enigma Variations — the concluded the Ukrainian Benefit Concert at Boston Symphony Hall. …