I feel sorry for you. If you don't change you will die alone. All this body count bullshit. What a crock. Get over yourself and fall in love and I mean actual love. You can decide to do it.
It will barely matter what she looks like.
"The greatest thing
You'll ever learn
Is just to love
And be loved
In return."
That is so fucking true. I have been banging around on this planet for 74 years and somehow the universe granted it to me. I didn't deserve it especially: it's grace. I have never been happier. I truly hope you and anybody who reads this takes it to heart.