I think it's the other way around. They interpret the Bible that way because they are good people to begin with. It's been that way with every religion that has ever existed.
As for grandma watching you wank from heaven, if your literalist rels (or mine) were actually literalists and not posers they would realize grandma ain't there, at least not yet. Until the second coming the dead are just, well, dead. When Jesus shows up for round two then "the trumpet shall sound, and the dead shall be raised incorruptible." ( 1 Corinthians 15:52).