Interesting that you mentioned his “job, and that is where he is that stand-up guy. He is a professional.” In work situations where the roles and expectations are clearly defined some men shine but in the home situation where things are complex, messy and emotional they fall on their faces. This often leads to absent, workaholic fathers who work long hours simply because they feel more comfortable in that environment.

That said it sounds like you need to protect yourself and your daughter. If you can provide clear guidelines about what is acceptable vs. not acceptable that could possibly help — maybe you have already done so — but in any case you should back up your expectations with the fist-in-the-glove that his marriage and family life may be at stake.