Oh God when I was a kid I stole incredible amounts of shit. Once, when in 7th grade (13 y.o.) two of my friends and I stole a vast quantity of chewing gum from a local candy store. Then we retired to a local park to see if we could chew it all at once. We all had immense wads in our mouths as we laughed ourselves sick. I went home after spitting mine out. I mean, how would I explain a wad of gum like that to my mother? But that wouldn't have mattered because my mom was passed out on the kitchen table from drinking wine all day as usual. I think I actually spat it out because my jaw was getting sore. Whatever the case may be, I was soon doubled over in gastro-intestinal agony. It must have been a Friday. I know that because as I remember I had to skip Social Dancing (you can’t dance if you are curled up like a paper clip) and Social Dancing was on Fridays.
Social Dancing was my very totally favorite thing at that point in my young life. They taught ballroom dancing and that meant touching girls, albeit in a controlled environment.
It was the only theft I can remember God punishing me for. Otherwise God was sleeping off a drunk every time I violated the eighth commandment.