This happened to me, except for the deliver-your-baby-to-your-devoted-arms part.

We never held our baby.

Spokane Washington during the early 1980s. Our baby was early even by today’s standards; around 5 months. Following cesarean delivery he was rushed to the NICU and hooked up immediately. The most physical contact we had was touches through the incubator gloves. I’d seen bullfrogs bigger than our baby. About 23 hours later Dr. G. called us in for The Talk. It wasn’t like we were taken by surprise. G showed us that whatever individual support system he cut power to immediately flatlined. He did this with 3 or 4 switching them off then immediately back on. That was brutal. Do they still do anything like that? We were too heartbroken to be angry at anyone. All of our dreams destroyed. But the situation was clear: This was not a human baby. It was a technological zombie.

Having driven home the point, he informed us that we would have to give the word to discontinue life support, that by law he could not do it on his own. We gave the word. He bent down and actually pulled the plug. Power remained to the monitor though, with its multiple squiggly lines, all of which went flat within less than a second. I will never forget that sight.

We never held our baby.